Home futile home

by maud the moth

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Hate me like the whore who burnt your door. Draw me like the tick that sucked your blood. Scar me like the barren land you’d never plow. But my eyes once reflected your screams, freed your dammed rivers Tidal waves, and aero planes, the weather changed On the way back home there’s flesh, left on the floor, blood, fingers cut. The wind, the snow, tears that roll. You shouldn’t have scarred my name on your arm I should have had no mercy, right from the start. The wound that never heals, the truth you never see, the need you have to hate… (Your) Words like shards, your vengeance hard Cold as green glass eyes that start… to wave as we part
This is the price mother, the lie I am won´t stand much longer, their laughter is growing huge and monstrous devouring the sky. I believed to be above, now I realize I was always under, this was only the end of the page, the last cigarette, another mistake to wipe out from my bed. Hummingbirds below the blankets shake their wings in your lover´s ashes. That sun went blind and eyes grew to your new light, to wipe all fear away… Into the game again… knees, elbows, heart ablaze. Too many layers of paint, over my childish ways. Too many broken smiles, before this even starts. Into the game again, I didn´t even say YES. You speak of gratitude but I ain´t getting nothing in return. The fox took for granted and the hare, sharpened it´s teeth and claws and said: “you may have won this land, but, wait!!... Who gave you power over my name?” I see your gun charged, I lost the gaze, into those eyes so briefly blessed… Until the light completely fades… Until the last chance is erased. And I could love you like the girl I was before the tiny wars of hate came bombing down to carve my trench, where trust and lust became the game I knew too well, and in my bed, became the poison on which I fed. And I will rise up, again and again And I will rise up, ignore the stain. (You disown what I built, I deny what I feel… and the countdown as wrong as four, one, three)
June 03:15
Suddenly realized the disaster. Like blood in these arms, growing higher. You are the eye of the storm, the silent breath that I hold, and closer, cover me up, you ocean I´ll be the shore. Have I been woken amongst the earth of dead bodies piled, that single second of you… the birds should have had my eyes. And fingers burn like oil lamps. And silence reigns, again. Outside the rain tried washing… The tempest tried to warn. But in your arms i´m blind and helpless Beware of blanket promises And childhood dreams that flash like curses A part of us, did not awake.
Pavement glowed below, under unconscious feet. And before we uncover the morning bruises, let me float over his presence still Let this hurt a little more until I come cleaving shiny nails onto your back. I see them staring, I feel them, speaking. My forgiveness enhanced, his absolutism replaced. And BillyBoy is the ticket to your bedroom… here are my veins to keep me able, here is my body made of parts so wrongly exchanged. Pavement glowed below, under unconscious feet. And before we uncover the morning bruises… While I crept over the curb with wasted soles and empty breast, did you plan all my redemption from the crime I can’t escape? So I stayed because the warmness made me feel I was at home, I only wanted to break up, with me alone.
50 cent soul 03:54
Though my faith is strong, you can´t ask me to believe in fashion The emptiness has well rooted, so deeply in their hearts… We are sleepwalkers treading on the empty silence, We are shells of casted muses, and the blaring sirens. In the hive you feel warm and sure. In the hive you are all so numb. Up your nose and down your spine, Down your throat and up your thighs Stretch my arms towards the light, void and nausea is all I find. All good will is lost, all neurons burst. Your idols wasted, like toilet paper, Pretty girls all packed like cans of beer, you thought you´d have one, but then you grab all 6 They´re all the same and the sale is on the one for free Don´t do this to yourself (3), don´t do this to the world. Pretty boys all fucked up, on jager and vic´s Thought you´d love one, end up trying with 6. They´re all the same and the sale is on the one for free Don´t do this yourself, Don´t do this to the world.
A fox tale 02:27
Swollen eyes, like cliffs, diminished, marking skin with poisoned embers. How your modesty embellished… Son, we are hungry for the moment… Boy , you thread I am the needle, let me saw the cracks between us… If it hurts, i´ll crush my knuckles hard, pack the need inside my legs so tight…
Ran away, miles from home, and maybe the mistake, was there all along… Ran away, so unsolved. Home, futile home. The shadow (that) surrounds you, has nested within me, like the bugs in her bread, like the truth I swore I held. Am I not the fire inside you? Am I not empty and vain? While the first lights scattered along the coast, began to spread amongst the waves, I overlooked the houses, tapered islands full with space. The silence huge and open, of resin and salt. RUN, RUN, my blood is ironless, like the vows we made. Awake and conscious, like the will to stay. The second I closed my eyes, oh well the second I didn´t care. Did something inside me die? the truth?... the doubt.
Ford suite 03:45
In the arms of oblivion, i sleep dreaming of you. Of what you aren´t of what I want you to be, You are the escape to myself and I want you because this… wouldn´t work You can hurt me, kick my stomach in. Leave me breathless halved and open, leave naked and alive… Don´t wanna share no breakfast with you, just a glass of whiskey in the back seat of your car, with your blue eyes burning holes… in my… in my skirt. I would talk and you would laugh, and a moth eaten sheet can serve me right, to cover you up in the middle of the night. And in the silent fall, of the empire of trust, I´m back into my shell, I should have never left!! And through the chattering space, my feelings swell, am I torn out? But wait!! The drinking warmness in, the shadows fall. Amongst the railway tracks, behind the wall. And hanging legs that float. And broken child that spoilt… And my voice will break; my hips will shake in deconstruction of grace. How to start when I only think of ending? How to care when our hands are blending?
And in out tiny lives, we strive for something dear enough to hold as flag to justify existence. How pathetically we fail, blind and numb, to reality. And if in one second we feel love, we think we´re blessed, and if we´re wasted enough to hold death in our mouths, we believe to have tasted transcendence so in need, of our daily misery. We are numb, and senseless, and lazed and breathless, we are heirs to the liars of the 1000 faces. We bailed the lies out again We left the fires blazing They left the roads all burning Her wrath, it stabs my trusting. Again we´re starting over, but only now I´m weary. We bailed the lies out again…
Need a hole to call my home, neighbours said “I swear I heard her scream” so, they searched the river banks, but they found her in the lake. Now I can remember the exact second it broke… maybe it was a whisper between spires of cigarette smoke. He called me whore, but no, no I can't remember the exact words that he spoke. We were better baby when we lived on the road... we were better baby when we lied on the floor. Think I’ve lived this before. Maybe I was younger, but the same ravaging world I'll never know. Like encountering an old enemy, like the bruise that is worn underneath, like the bullet that feeds on the innocent meet. How do you fail in letting show? now that I need you even more, now you reclaim me for your own. Need a hole to call my home. Need a hole to call my own.



released May 16, 2011

Piano & voz & guitarra acústica: Amaya López-C
Batería & guitarra: Robert Green
Bajo: David Blanco. Cecilia Tallo (50 cent soul)
E-bow (Motel Josephine): Pablo Pulido

Grabado en Estudio Uno, Madrid.
Producido, mezclado y masterizado por Pablo Pulido.
Música y letras compuestas por: Amaya López-C
Artwork: Amaya López-C & Isaac Malakkai

Piano & voice & ac. guitar: Amaya López-C
Drums & guitar: Robert Green
Bass: David Blanco. Cecilia Tallo (50 cent soul)
E-bow (Motel Josephine): Pablo Pulido

Recorded at Estudio Uno, Madrid.
Produced, mixed and mastered by Pablo Pulido.
Music & lyrics composed by: Amaya López-C
Artwork: Amaya López-C & Isaac Malakkai


Some rights reserved. Please refer to individual track pages for license info.



maud the moth Edinburgh, UK

𝔐𝔞𝔲𝔡 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔪𝔬𝔱𝔥 𝔦𝔰 𝔞𝔫 𝔦𝔫𝔰𝔢𝔠𝔱


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